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Tuesday, 5 February 2013

#10signs of overparenting

According to this document  most findings have shown that an authoritative parenting approach is the ideal parenting method as it improves children’s wellbeing in areas such as self-esteem, self-reliance, a sense of security and popularity with peers. 

(all of this post is a summary of the document so a big ht to the authors Judith Y Locke, Marilyn A Campbell and David Kavanagh)

Authoritative parenting is high in demandingness ..... 

a tendency to have rules, and demand responsible and mature behaviour from their child. 

and is also high in responsiveness ......

the amount parents respond to a child’s needs 

However, over parenting is popularly believed to impact negatively on children’s well being as it does not allow children to develop independence or become fully-functioning, community-minded adults. 

This australian study described in the document linked to above was based on online interviews with 128 psychologists and guidance counsellors on this subject.  The majority of professionals reported familiarity and experience with actions they considered overparenting.  27% had seen “many” instances of overparenting, 2/3rds had seen some and 8% reported no experience of overparenting. 

Over parenting is sometime called “Helicopter parenting” 

“hovering closely overhead, rarely out of reach, whether their children need them or not” 

or “Lawnmower parenting”

“mothers and fathers...attempting to smooth out and mow down all obstacles”
in the way of the child’s success 

10 signs you are overparenting:

1) Keeping them at home – so setting so many restrictions that your child can’t be away overnight on a school activity, or not allowing them to socialise with friends or go to the shops or use public transport or learn to drive;

2) Blaming everyone else – so making excuses for your childs behaviour or demanding concessions for them, or always thinking that your childs version of what happened is right;

3) Giving them what they want - so never saying no to requests from your child, or always rushing to school with things they’ve rung you to say they have forgotten, or believing they should always be rewarded regardless of effort;

4) Solving their problems for them – so doing their homework for them, or cutting up their food, or bringing separate food to a party because they are a picky eater, or still preparing food for adult children, or providing adult children with cheap or no cost housing, or having “a word” with other children who your child is not getting on with;

5) Demanding much of other people or institutions – so constant badgering of them, regularly calling for meetings to discuss your child, confronting other parents about what their children have said to yours;

6) Acting as your childs friend and not as their parent and so never giving them chores to do round the house;

7) Always being with them – or near them or phoning them or expecting a full report back if they have been away;

8) Excessive expectations – of what your child should achieve or a view that your child is much more intelligent or special than others;

9) Excessive supervision – always telling your child what to do, or getting too involved in their play with other children, or issuing instructions from afar rather than close up, or often saying don’t to them, or not allowing them to leave the house to socialise with other children, or making them go to bed early;

10) Over worrying – about your child and their problems.

if this post was of interest then you may like this one on digital parenting

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